Saturday, September 15, 2012

Unicorns can't fly. I can't fly. Therefore, I am a unicorn. -- So Damn True! (@SoDamnTrue)

My mom likes to play this game called yell from four rooms away and get upset when I can’t hear her. -- ッ (@SpeakComedy)

Every morning my alarm tries to pull me and my bed apart, that jealous whore. -- Facts About Girls! (@GirlsBooklet)

Is it just me or is CSI just like Scooby Doo but for old people? -- Facts About Girls! (@GirlsBooklet)

Whoa, that was close... I almost gave a fuck. -- So Damn True! (@SoDamnTrue)

Friday, September 14, 2012

I'm not saying that I hate you... I'm saying that if you got hit by a bus, I would be driving that bus. -- Condescending Wonka (@WonkaTweets)

If you were a dinosaur, you would be Bitch-A-Whoreus. -- Funny Tweets (@autocorrects)